Words .

Sometimes I feel useless. So useless that I feel as if this world and its content don't need me any longer. I feel like it's better to die secretly, silently and invisibly so that no one knows when I'm gone. No one will gives a damn. No one will shed the tears. No one will ask why, when and how. I'll be gone with the wind. Together with my own tears. At time, I feel so insecure breathing in this motionless life. You did your best and still, people never recognize you. Your existence is nothing more than just a waste of space. All you ever wanted was to breathe in the last air and you wished for your heart to stop beating. But that was just for a while before something good happened and you regretted that you wish for your death. And again, that happiness was made to be in a short while before it flew away, along with your laughter. Sometimes I wish people would see me the way I see them. Would love me the way I love them. Would hold me the way I hold them. But that, is just another stupid, ridiculous and vague vision made by an ungrateful creature like me. You wouldn't know the pain, the tears and the rage that I've been keeping all this while. All this while I gave part of my life and heart to others, with hope that soon it'll be their turn to give it back to me. I gave too much of it and finally till the end, I realized it wasn't a give-and-take theory. This world isn't cruel but the people in it are. So that was how I lost my life that I proudly lived for years. And now it's over, where do I begin? I never felt this restless, useless, hopeless, lifeless and breathless before. And I was about to question myself, to tell my own self that I miss the old me. The one who would always fight for my own sake. Who would always stand for my own self. Because I know, no one will and no one cares. And now should I blame everyone for the loss? I wrote too much. I cried too much. I grieve too much. I annoy too much. But my mistake that I never speak too much. I'd prefer to keep it inside and soon like a parasite, I was betrayed by my own secrets. I was hurt. But again, that is just another secret, another lie from me. I'm bluffing. So please don't bother. I don't need your sympathy.